Dear Eric Hattey,
First and foremost, I would like to thank you for letting me come to your party when I was a freshman (high school). I had been chasing that upper-class girl (Junior) and she brought me to your place. I remember that you had pulled me aside, gave me a high five, and said, "If you need a spare room, let me know." As being a freshman, I definitely was scared and laughed that one off, even though I know that would have been the best night ever! That night, I learned more than I wanted too, as you told me about the Shrek story that pertained to you and your lady friend. I don't think I'll ever be able to view that movie the same after this remembering that fact. I'm sure I have more memories especially since I was chasing that girl who happened to be part of your friend group, but my memory fades as life has sped me far away from being a high school freshman.
According to your status, You currently are on a diet. I would like to congratulate you on that feat and hope that you also have a work out plan. Diet and and Exercise go hand in hand, like Pumpkin Pie and Whipped, Mashed Potatoes and Gravy, and Turkey and Stuffing. So I hope you stick to your healthy diet plan and accomplish it to your wildest dreams. Is that a for sale sign with a "SOLD" across it? I am going to guess that you bought that piece of land to build your first house? Rock on, you better practice with those lincoln logs to produce a space efficient design.
Good luck with growing up sir, and thank you for introducing me to the "Upper-Classmen" and giving me a chance with that girl.
Cheerio,
Alastar Swift
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Facebook Friend #7
Dear Nathan Ahlers,
Strange that I am deleting a fellow Nathan. As I refresh my mind of past memories that I may of had with you, I remember slightly that you were one of those college d-bags. Yes, quite harsh I must state but you deserve it for jumping my friend freshman year when he was walking with his girlfriend. That sir, is not manly. Oh and I remember tracking you down that night and confronting you at a house party. Thinking you were all badass for "beating up someone". Tisk-tisk, what would your mother say if she found out her little boy was jumping innocent couples under the moonlight. I'm sure she wouldn't give you anymore presents… ass. But I must take back some of the harsh-ness, as you did drive me back to my dorms one night as I proceeded to pass out in the bathroom toilet for my best friend to find me. And of course, he then felt the urge to take as many pictures as possible. Thanks again Facebook friend.
Well at first glance, I totally forgot what you looked like, and then I had to guess that you weren't the really creepy dude in your profile picture because 1) I doubt I'd add someone that creepy and 2) I think you were in my freshman orientation class. Anyways, I'd like to add that what the heck is "Ragbrai"? That was your last status post, something on the lines of day 4 of Ragbrai. Sounds kinky, but I'm sure it's quite worthwhile.
Godspeed on whatever adventures you may take in the near future.
Alastar Swift
Strange that I am deleting a fellow Nathan. As I refresh my mind of past memories that I may of had with you, I remember slightly that you were one of those college d-bags. Yes, quite harsh I must state but you deserve it for jumping my friend freshman year when he was walking with his girlfriend. That sir, is not manly. Oh and I remember tracking you down that night and confronting you at a house party. Thinking you were all badass for "beating up someone". Tisk-tisk, what would your mother say if she found out her little boy was jumping innocent couples under the moonlight. I'm sure she wouldn't give you anymore presents… ass. But I must take back some of the harsh-ness, as you did drive me back to my dorms one night as I proceeded to pass out in the bathroom toilet for my best friend to find me. And of course, he then felt the urge to take as many pictures as possible. Thanks again Facebook friend.
Well at first glance, I totally forgot what you looked like, and then I had to guess that you weren't the really creepy dude in your profile picture because 1) I doubt I'd add someone that creepy and 2) I think you were in my freshman orientation class. Anyways, I'd like to add that what the heck is "Ragbrai"? That was your last status post, something on the lines of day 4 of Ragbrai. Sounds kinky, but I'm sure it's quite worthwhile.
Godspeed on whatever adventures you may take in the near future.
Alastar Swift
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Facebook Friend #6
Dear Amanda Vernon,
Why your name brings back found memories. Memories of the first day little Alastar Swift set foot onto the "college" world. You were my freshman orientation leader, and you also lied to me! Telling me that all those 8am meetings were required and that I shouldn't go out and party hard. But let's be honest, I still went out, Living the Dream, as some might say. I do have to thank you for your help one weekend night where my friend went to jail. I had called you to find out where the police station was because my friend decided not to run away from the cops, and then proceeded to tell them a fake name. Thinking of it now, I could have received my first minor that night as my friend and I went to the station to pick him up, and my friend had to blow zeroes in order to let our friend out. Good thing I didn't step up to do that, or else I would have be @$%&!
I see that you are married according to Facebook. Congratulations. I do not think that I could take that step anytime in the near future as I have no idea what I'm going to be doing in the next couple years. Don't get me wrong, I might meet the perfect girl tomorrow and totally change my mind but as of right now, Single is the way to go. Reading your past couple status updates, I see that you REALLY enjoy snow. I'm definitely the opposite, I hate making that dreaded walk to my classes. I put on layers of clothes to endure the winter blizzard and then when I get to class I have to strip down to a t-shirt because all the classrooms are like 75+ degrees. Mind you that my house, usually hovers around 58-62 degrees. So I'm used to freezing. Anyways, at least one of us like the Minnesotan winters, Hopefully I'll move somewhere warmer next year.
Remember the circle of trust and that to make a relationship work, sometimes telling everything isn't the best.
Cheerio
Alastar Swift
Why your name brings back found memories. Memories of the first day little Alastar Swift set foot onto the "college" world. You were my freshman orientation leader, and you also lied to me! Telling me that all those 8am meetings were required and that I shouldn't go out and party hard. But let's be honest, I still went out, Living the Dream, as some might say. I do have to thank you for your help one weekend night where my friend went to jail. I had called you to find out where the police station was because my friend decided not to run away from the cops, and then proceeded to tell them a fake name. Thinking of it now, I could have received my first minor that night as my friend and I went to the station to pick him up, and my friend had to blow zeroes in order to let our friend out. Good thing I didn't step up to do that, or else I would have be @$%&!
I see that you are married according to Facebook. Congratulations. I do not think that I could take that step anytime in the near future as I have no idea what I'm going to be doing in the next couple years. Don't get me wrong, I might meet the perfect girl tomorrow and totally change my mind but as of right now, Single is the way to go. Reading your past couple status updates, I see that you REALLY enjoy snow. I'm definitely the opposite, I hate making that dreaded walk to my classes. I put on layers of clothes to endure the winter blizzard and then when I get to class I have to strip down to a t-shirt because all the classrooms are like 75+ degrees. Mind you that my house, usually hovers around 58-62 degrees. So I'm used to freezing. Anyways, at least one of us like the Minnesotan winters, Hopefully I'll move somewhere warmer next year.
Remember the circle of trust and that to make a relationship work, sometimes telling everything isn't the best.
Cheerio
Alastar Swift
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Facebook Friend #5
Dear Brianna Jones,
When I had stumbled across your name while going through my friend list, it brought me back to freshman year. To be exact I thought of our English 111 class with the crazy Canadian Professor and how I almost failed his course, but somehow managed a solid, B. Another thing that comes to mind is that I want to say we used to go to house at King and Kansas, or it may be the fact that you always called and asked me where the party is. My fondest memory of us, was when you called me and asked me where a party was, and I led you to a totally wrong street address that I had made up. You had called me multiple times which I never answered and me being me, I was laughing my ass off and probably saying some stupid and immature comments of that nature. I guess that's what happens when you drink way too much and spend more time inebriated than sober. I blame that on my friend that always had to end his night in the garbage can.
From your profile picture, it looks like you enjoyed this past halloween weekend. I'm glad to see that you dressed up for the festivities, as so did I. It looks like you may have dressed up as a biker chick? I'm not positive but it's my best guess, I mean you are dressed all in black leather and showing off as much skin as legally possible. Oh by the way, I would love to know why girls like to type in this certain way, "WhY dO yOu TyPe LiKe ThIs In YoUr StAtUs UpDaTeS?" Somethings just I can't wrap my head around, and this may be one of the things I'll never understand.
I hope everything is well in Dubuque, IA
Alastar Swift
When I had stumbled across your name while going through my friend list, it brought me back to freshman year. To be exact I thought of our English 111 class with the crazy Canadian Professor and how I almost failed his course, but somehow managed a solid, B. Another thing that comes to mind is that I want to say we used to go to house at King and Kansas, or it may be the fact that you always called and asked me where the party is. My fondest memory of us, was when you called me and asked me where a party was, and I led you to a totally wrong street address that I had made up. You had called me multiple times which I never answered and me being me, I was laughing my ass off and probably saying some stupid and immature comments of that nature. I guess that's what happens when you drink way too much and spend more time inebriated than sober. I blame that on my friend that always had to end his night in the garbage can.
From your profile picture, it looks like you enjoyed this past halloween weekend. I'm glad to see that you dressed up for the festivities, as so did I. It looks like you may have dressed up as a biker chick? I'm not positive but it's my best guess, I mean you are dressed all in black leather and showing off as much skin as legally possible. Oh by the way, I would love to know why girls like to type in this certain way, "WhY dO yOu TyPe LiKe ThIs In YoUr StAtUs UpDaTeS?" Somethings just I can't wrap my head around, and this may be one of the things I'll never understand.
I hope everything is well in Dubuque, IA
Alastar Swift
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Facebook Friend #4
Dear Sammy Davis,
To be honest, no clue nor any recollection of your name. Then I saw you are a high school student planning on graduating this Spring. Which is crazy, because why do I have a high school student (that I don't know) as a friend on Facebook. Creepy. and that goes both ways, adding older men that you don't know of… tisk-tisk, what would your mother be saying if she knew you were trying to go after older boys. Don't get me wrong, I remember a lot of girls when I was in high school going after older ones but still, those were the un-legit ones. So stay in school and please don't be like Pink: Too school for cool.
Looking at your profile picture, I have no idea which one is the "real" Samantha Davis. So either you enjoy looking real angry for picture or you can't keep your tongue in your mouth. And I guess there is a possibility that you may be the third person in the back but that person looks like a dude, and well I hope your parents didn't give you a girls name as a boy. Cause that is the worst mistake a parent can do.. come on though, they don't even give their kids a chance when they give them weird names.
Keep on wishing young Sammy Davis.
Alastar Swift
To be honest, no clue nor any recollection of your name. Then I saw you are a high school student planning on graduating this Spring. Which is crazy, because why do I have a high school student (that I don't know) as a friend on Facebook. Creepy. and that goes both ways, adding older men that you don't know of… tisk-tisk, what would your mother be saying if she knew you were trying to go after older boys. Don't get me wrong, I remember a lot of girls when I was in high school going after older ones but still, those were the un-legit ones. So stay in school and please don't be like Pink: Too school for cool.
Looking at your profile picture, I have no idea which one is the "real" Samantha Davis. So either you enjoy looking real angry for picture or you can't keep your tongue in your mouth. And I guess there is a possibility that you may be the third person in the back but that person looks like a dude, and well I hope your parents didn't give you a girls name as a boy. Cause that is the worst mistake a parent can do.. come on though, they don't even give their kids a chance when they give them weird names.
Keep on wishing young Sammy Davis.
Alastar Swift
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Facebook Friend #3
Dear Candy Rockwell,
I am truly disappointed that I have no recollection at all when or where I have met you. I'm almost positive you went to Winona, and I might add, maybe just maybe I met you at Phi Lam's? And I'm sure I was quite intoxicated and we all know, how that house party was. Get there at 8 - 8:30 ish and drink as much as we could before everyone got kicked out at 10:30. Stumble back, and wreck havoc in the dorm rooms. So that's my guess of how it all went down. I met you somewhere in those lines of a Typical Freshman Thursday Night.
It looks that you may have a son according to your profile picture. If I can read right, is he wearing a b-day shirt? I'll be the first, to wish him a very belated birthday and hope that he enjoyed all his presents. Hopefully the whole parenting world is going great, as I would not be a fan at the moment if I had a kid. Don't get me wrong it'd be sweet, but man… I know I'm just too young to be a father type. Anyways, I hope you aren't a single mother, because no one should have to tackle that alone. And if you are, I hope that jackass of a dad, trips on his candy bar wrapper and chips his tooth.
Enjoy the world of parenting and I hope he doesn't get stuck in the terrible twos.
Alastar Swift
I am truly disappointed that I have no recollection at all when or where I have met you. I'm almost positive you went to Winona, and I might add, maybe just maybe I met you at Phi Lam's? And I'm sure I was quite intoxicated and we all know, how that house party was. Get there at 8 - 8:30 ish and drink as much as we could before everyone got kicked out at 10:30. Stumble back, and wreck havoc in the dorm rooms. So that's my guess of how it all went down. I met you somewhere in those lines of a Typical Freshman Thursday Night.
It looks that you may have a son according to your profile picture. If I can read right, is he wearing a b-day shirt? I'll be the first, to wish him a very belated birthday and hope that he enjoyed all his presents. Hopefully the whole parenting world is going great, as I would not be a fan at the moment if I had a kid. Don't get me wrong it'd be sweet, but man… I know I'm just too young to be a father type. Anyways, I hope you aren't a single mother, because no one should have to tackle that alone. And if you are, I hope that jackass of a dad, trips on his candy bar wrapper and chips his tooth.
Enjoy the world of parenting and I hope he doesn't get stuck in the terrible twos.
Alastar Swift
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Facebook Friend #2
Dear Tiffany Cochran,
Thank you for making my friend count (+1) over the years, especially since I was the freshman kind that thought it was cool to have A LOT of friends… until I realized that I suck at remembering names and never got big on adding people. Anyways, I have sat here on my couch contemplating on when and where I had met you. You'd be upset as I have zero recollection of our first meeting, so I am going to guess that I met you freshman year, while I was intoxicated running from house party to house party. If I am wrong please correct me if you ever read this.
From your profile picture, it looks like you are married. That may be the reason I do not recognize your name, gotta' love the fact that women get to change their last names in that whole relationship deal. I hope the best for your marriage and that it doesn't end in divorce after 7 years like most. I personally, would not be that happy to get married at a young age, but good for you!
Farewell and have a safe journey,
Alastar Swift
P.S. - I understand that my wedding invite must have been lost in the mail
Thank you for making my friend count (+1) over the years, especially since I was the freshman kind that thought it was cool to have A LOT of friends… until I realized that I suck at remembering names and never got big on adding people. Anyways, I have sat here on my couch contemplating on when and where I had met you. You'd be upset as I have zero recollection of our first meeting, so I am going to guess that I met you freshman year, while I was intoxicated running from house party to house party. If I am wrong please correct me if you ever read this.
From your profile picture, it looks like you are married. That may be the reason I do not recognize your name, gotta' love the fact that women get to change their last names in that whole relationship deal. I hope the best for your marriage and that it doesn't end in divorce after 7 years like most. I personally, would not be that happy to get married at a young age, but good for you!
Farewell and have a safe journey,
Alastar Swift
P.S. - I understand that my wedding invite must have been lost in the mail
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