Dear Nathan Ahlers,
Strange that I am deleting a fellow Nathan. As I refresh my mind of past memories that I may of had with you, I remember slightly that you were one of those college d-bags. Yes, quite harsh I must state but you deserve it for jumping my friend freshman year when he was walking with his girlfriend. That sir, is not manly. Oh and I remember tracking you down that night and confronting you at a house party. Thinking you were all badass for "beating up someone". Tisk-tisk, what would your mother say if she found out her little boy was jumping innocent couples under the moonlight. I'm sure she wouldn't give you anymore presents… ass. But I must take back some of the harsh-ness, as you did drive me back to my dorms one night as I proceeded to pass out in the bathroom toilet for my best friend to find me. And of course, he then felt the urge to take as many pictures as possible. Thanks again Facebook friend.
Well at first glance, I totally forgot what you looked like, and then I had to guess that you weren't the really creepy dude in your profile picture because 1) I doubt I'd add someone that creepy and 2) I think you were in my freshman orientation class. Anyways, I'd like to add that what the heck is "Ragbrai"? That was your last status post, something on the lines of day 4 of Ragbrai. Sounds kinky, but I'm sure it's quite worthwhile.
Godspeed on whatever adventures you may take in the near future.
Alastar Swift
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